Who doesn't love a matinee post?!

So! My fun day of being harassed is coming to an end. Just when I thought I was clear for the night.. I got this..

My friends and I refer to ourselves as the Crue. It's posted all over my profile. Now there we're all caught up.......

[5:43:25 pm] samnoodlebuyer:it's crew

[5:43:31 pm] rosalita:no... its not

[5:43:35 pm] samnoodlebuyer:it's sam

[5:43:46 pm] samnoodlebuyer:can i be your love?

[5:45:44 pm] rosalita:no

[5:45:57 pm] samnoodlebuyer:can i be your croe?

[5:46:25 pm] roaslita:my crue is my friends that ive known for a really long time.. that doesnt really apply to you..

[5:46:45 pm] samnoodlebuyer:then can i start to get to know you today?

[5:46:56 pm] samnoodlebuyer:would you like to let me treat you a dinner?

[5:46:59 pm] rosalita:im not sure of that either

[5:47:02 pm] samnoodlebuyer:a bowl of noodles

[5:47:03 pm] rosalita:no thanks

[5:47:18 pm] samnoodlebuyer:so... i have 100% rejection rate

[5:47:22 pm] samnoodlebuyer:i must be doing something wrong

[5:47:43 pm] rosalita:asking someone if you can be their love in the first 3 minutes might have something to do with it..

[5:48:06 pm] samnoodlebuyer:i see. thanks

I wish I could make these things up, folks.
xo,
Rosie

OOCIMD = Out Of Control Instant Message Day

The Brimz and I were discussing what our posting schedule would be and we settled on every few days. Today may be the first exception.

My IMs weren't set with any restrictions until today. After these 3, I've set them to no one over 36, no one under 25. I figure that I'm 27, 36 is a good cutoff for crazy dudes. Turns out - NOPE. Keep in mind, none of these case studies [check me out, sounding all official] had ever spoken to me before their first IMs to me. Read on..

Figure one: 24 year old

(12:13:46 pm) loser #1 [and from here on out, will be referred to as L1N1]:hi

(12:15:08 pm) rosalita:hello

(12:15:17 pm) L1N1:how are you?

(12:15:28 pm) rosalita:im ok

(12:15:59 pm) L1N1:cool

(12:16:56 pm) L1N1:hows your cold day going?

(12:17:45 pm) rosalita:its going all right, yours?

(12:17:54 pm) L1N1:cold

(12:18:02 pm) L1N1:i see you have a nikon cam... which one do you use?

(12:18:15 pm) rosalita:d300

(12:18:23 pm) L1N1:nice

(12:18:26 pm) L1N1:i want one!

(12:18:27 pm) L1N1:lol

(12:18:55 pm) L1N1:but right now im trying to see if i should go out in the cold and hunt down a typical point and shot digi cam so i can use it next week when im down south

(12:19:47 pm) rosalita:im not really a help, ive never owned a point and shoot camera

(12:20:10 pm) L1N1:oh no worries, i wasn't going to ask, just trying to strike up a conversation

(12:20:10 pm) L1N1:lol

(12:20:37 pm) L1N1:i figure if i go to BH they should be able to help me pick out one and then i look around to find the best deal

(12:21:31 pm) rosalita:im sorry dude.. im at work, i dont really have time for ims..

(12:21:42 pm) L1N1:ok

(12:23:56 pm) rosalita:i cant really do smalltalk either.. sorry..

(12:24:56 pm) L1N1:umm, ok sorry for im'ing you, you didn't have to reply back if you weren't interested... anyways enjoy your day at work

A little background on myself - I'm a professional photographer. This is listed on my profile (no website, I don't need these whackjobs knowing my full name) along with Nikon cameras as one of the 6 things that I cant live without. His page was far from entertaining and I don't even understand why he messaged me, especially an instant message rather than a standalone one, when we had nothing in common. I realize that maybe he was trying to impress me with his lack of photography knowledge, but I'm completely unphased by that. Take nothing in common, mix it with boring, I could care less who you are and why you're talking to me. Literally the second i closed the message with this loser, I had another one on my tail!!!

Figure two: 44 year old

(12:34:53 pm) oldmanrenaissance:Good morning! How are you on this brand new day that promises new hope and the potential for smiles and warmth?

(12:35:47 pm) rosalita:im all right... howre you?

(12:36:04 pm) oldmanrenaissance:I am not too shabby!!!

(12:36:49 pm) oldmanrenaissance:What are you up to on this chilllly day?

(12:37:07 pm) rosalita:working

(12:37:32 pm) oldmanrenaissance:a noble thing to do so close to the end of one year and the beginning of another...what do you do if i may ask?

(12:38:24 pm) rosalita:i work in a drs office.. im sorry.. i dont really have time for ims right now..

(12:38:34 pm) oldmanrenaissance:understood

(12:38:59 pm) roaslita:have a good day..

(12:39:10 pm) oldmanrenaissance:to you too!

Well! I hope this dude parked his horse outside my office and took his armor off before he walked in! Freelance photography isn't what it used to be, so... I work in an office. It happens, but that's not what this is all about, now is it!? Y'know the term 'chivalry is dead'? Someone better kill it after this knight in shining armor! After this message, I changed my settings to you can't message me unless you're between 25 and 36. I thought I would be safe. WELL! turns out NOPEx2!

Figure 3: 36 year old [a short note about this one - I have a picture up from getting a concussion at a show. There's a huge bump on my head and blood all down my face]

(1:32:42 pm) mrtriedtoohardanddidntgetthejoke:Why the bruised up pics?

(1:36:41 pm) roslita:i got a concussion.. and i dont take this site seriously so i figured, why not put it up

(1:37:09 pm) mrtriedtoohardanddidntgetthejoke:Got ya

(1:37:21 pm) mrtriedtoohardanddidntgetthejoke:Do you still have that lump on your head

(1:37:40 pm) rosalita:no, it was a year and a half ago

(1:37:48 pm) rosalita:im sorry.. i cant really talk right now.. im at work...

(1:38:24 pm) mrtriedtoohardanddidntgetthejoke:Okay well can I contact you another time then

(1:39:35 pm) rosalita:yeah - sure, have a good day

(1:39:49 pm) mrtriedtoohardanddidntgetthejoke:You too

I have a feeling that this one may come back for seconds! He saved me as a favorite. I don't see why I'd be a favorite. We have nothing in common and I wasn't all that nice to him.

Oh, readers... You're in for some treats..
Love,
Senorita Rosalita

A Modest Proposal

W. Brimley here for my first installment on the AYS,C? front. As you well know Rosalita and I have been compiling information to spread to the suckling masses from our experiences on (unnamed dating site) and boy, do I have one for you.
Being a straight male, I did list that as my sexual preference, I wanted to see how many true creepers there are out there in the "fairer sex." I had been receiving various winks and messages from the fine ladies of Internetsville, when one morning I opened my inbox to this gem...paraphrased of course!
"Hey, I see that you're a straight male, but I was wondering if I could ask you a question. Would you be opposed to perform for a little video, compensation would be included. It would not be a gay film, you would just need to masturbate on film. No outside touching. I am prepared to offer you $150 for however long it would take you. Let me know. Again, JUST masturbation"
Now, I must say, I was a bit flattered, someone found me attractive enough to ask if they could video tape me pulling the pin on the ole AIDS grenade (come on, gay males have notoriously good taste in men), but I was a bit put off that he would low ball me so badly! I shot him back a message expressing my flattery, but I had to decline the offer. He had responded back trying to sweeten the deal by uppping the payment to $200. See, this might not be a problem, had it been myself recording the act on a webcam, but he wanted to be present videotaping it himself. Sketchy to say the least! First, I'm not too into being stabbed by some weirdo. Second, I don't think I'd be able to...um...perform under such immense pressure!
Who knows...maybe if he had offered $500....
Signing off (and on to the other site for more ridiculous situations)
W. Brimley

A Christmas Wish.. I Mean.. Wink...

The day that I signed up, my friends and I were winking at eachother virtually. I remember saying that I didn't understand why anyone would use this as a valid form of contact seeing as a wink in person is creepy enough.

In the past week, I've managed to acquire at least four winks. Two have been random and the rest have been from friends. The friend ones are hilarious, but the random ones? Really? A message from a stranger isn't that weird to me, why not just use a little bit of wit to say hi? I've messaged some people that have made me laugh or smile, so I don't mind a short message from someone else. I'm pretty sure that my profile says that I reply often at this point considering I know that we need the blog fodder. I'm entirely too nice to not write back to most people no matter how creepy they are.

I've gone to great lengths to make my page as asinine as possible. As much as I'd like, I can't exactly use clippings, because then this blog and fake name would be useless. I'll allow you to use your imagination as you get to know me to realize the kinds of things that it says. I'm not entirely sure that most of the people on [dating site] get the joke. It actually scares me when people don't get it yet are still messaging me and thinking that half of the things that I write are serious.

BUT! Back to the wink! A wink is not a valid for of online contact. I don't care of you don't have anything to say to me. If you have nothing to say to me based on my page, you shouldn't be messaging me in the first place. I'm sorry, when I have significantly older gentlemen winking at me, I'd rather call the cops than actually engage in a conversation on or of the internet.

'Til next time,
Senorita Rosalita, signing off

PS! While you're loving [because you know you're hooked already] our blog, click over to www.lastwash.blogspot.com to read the laundry equivilent to a dating site. Ok, that's a lie. It's a blog about watching a girl slowly crack as she's working in a laundromat and observing the wonders of the world of coin operated laundry. She won't disappont you.

Our parents would be so proud...

Have you ever felt violated via instant message? Have you ever signed up for a free dating site as a joke and no one that actually viewed your profile got the joke?

Good. Us too. W. Brimley and Senorita Rosalita at your service, to deliver awesomeness and insanity that has been actually said to us on [insert free dating site name here]. Neither of us signed up on said site for serious reasons. Brimley signed up as a joke all on his own. Months later Rosalita signed up. The idea for was to have a group date with 3 of her guy friends and their dates - all together being on an 8 person blind date. Also, according to this site, shes got a Chia Pet up her ass as far as being annoyed by things. The sad thing is that she halfway agrees.

Within 14 hours of signing up Rosalita received at least 2 messages from morons. She actually felt bad for the one all right dude that was mixed in there, just because of the other morons that had resorted to the site for 'luck'. She blames her friends, obviously. Rather than turning her back on the site, she decided to have some fun... This is where Brimley steps in..

W. Brimley, signing up as a half-joke decided to have a fun little social experiment and see how many insane women would contact him just based on subtle cues that tend to draw in the craziest of the crazy. Within a week a 2 women had contacted him, starting in motion the project/experiment. Months later, inbox filled with messages from both men and women all across the board, he still receives and responds to people that deserve to be locked up.

We will be sharing our experiences with the world via this blog, so stay tuned, it’s bound to either entertain you or blow your mind.